Jerry Simer

Jerry S 3 Jerry 4 dad Fangtooth

PADI Open Water Scuba Diver Instructor
Master Scuba Diver Trainer
PADI Specialty Course Instructor
Emergency First Responder Instructor

“I’m the man to call when a student needs a good Bitch Slapping”!

Jerry Simer is the result of many generations of failed breeding experiments to produce the world’s best scuba diver. He is a legend in his own mind & is (again in his own mind) the finest diving machine the world has ever seen.. He was born on a coral reef, his mother was a Fangtooth fish and his father was the devil. Photos of his parents are posted.

Each diver that he trains is a threat to your measly opinion of your diving skills. He is a bald, nitrox breathing citizen of the sea. He is cocky, self-centered, overbearing, and does not know the meaning of fear. He is a foul mouthed, amphibious monster made of narcosis and high pressure hoses who arose from the sea, feeding on sub-standard divers throughout the globe. Whenever it may arise, and when his time comes, he will die a glorious death in some lake, giving his life to mom, PADI, and the dive flag. No one will ever find his body.

He steals defog from the dive shop, rocks from Beaver Lake for weight, and the ascent line from my last boat dive. Then, on the 7th day, while God rested, He shut off his gas He’s been running the show ever since.

I live like a fish, talk like a Course Director and slap the hell out of both of them. Salesman by day, lover by night, drunkard by choice, dickhead  & INSTRUCTOR BY GOD!!!

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